Dear readers. You may have noticed that I have not been around for a long time. I have so enjoyed posting this blog. My problem is that I have chronic fatigue which is almost completely related to using the internet. Whe I avoid technology, my health is restored, contentment returns and I can enjoy my husband, home and family. I know that at the moment, this is where the Holy Spirit's voice is gently guiding me : )
I will leave the blog for now in case it is of value to anyone. But I just wish to add that we can all be guided by the Holy Spirit and helped in our homemaking and serving our husbands and families, and gaining the priceless gift of contentment. He designed us for relationship with him after all. We don't need any blog to rely on if we rely on Him : )
Thank you for all your comments, kindness and support for Housewifely Haven. It has been a blessing to me,
People have so much stuff, so why do they keep amassing more? Part of the reason is that they have an impulse, which is born of a deep anxiety about lack. Partly, those companies selling 'stuff' have spent billions on working out how to push people's buttons.
Most people exist in a state of chaos because there is nowhere to put all their possessions:
They have so much clothing! And yet, they wear a fraction of it and return to the same few items at the front of their wardrobes and closets.
They have so much food! Yet it rots in the fridge and cupboards, and they do not even know it is there. Then they run out for a takeaway 'treat'.
They are over-run with toys for the children! But the children are unhappy, dissatisfied and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stimulation around them.
They have boxes and boxes of craft materials and it all stays in the boxes unused; while they get another fix of retail therapy.
They spend as little time as they can in their homes because the clutter and disorder claws at their peace when they are there.
One could go on, but you get the picture. It is all very sad, because these poor overstretched, overmarketed people are making themselves sick and anxious every day. They are not enjoying their daily life - or anything they have purchased (for more than a momentary high - followed by the inevitable let-down)
Life-coaches will encourage them to grit their teeth and get organised. But... there is no need to be so hard on yourself. For the housewife there is a happier solution.
I call it 'Treasure-Hunting at Home'.
You don't have to make a schedule, remember. Just make spending time in your home a priority. If you treasure-hunt at home, you will soon want to spend so much time at home, it will be hard to coax you away!
You can begin where your desire takes you. It is not a question of scrubbing out, chucking the lot, and having a massive spring clean until you are exhausted and want to run away again. This is a NEW way that actually works.
Maybe you want to start with the food in the kitchen. That is where I would choose, I think. Would you like to treasure-hunt in your baking things, or the pots and pans cupboard? Take your time and don't give yourself a guilt-trip. You are going to be gradually getting to know what you have and how to use it. Each small area you deal with will give you more peace, contentment and the feeling that you have accomplished something for the long-term.
You will almost certainly find treaure in whichever area you choose to hunt. A saucepan or crockpot hidden away at the back. A long-lost pudding basin which will make you some steamed puddings - you don't need to buy a steamer just use what you have. I can tell you how to steam a pudding if you don't know how. What will you find?
Baking cupboard: Throw out the very old packets, but there is probably something that you will enjoy using now that you have found it. Make a jelly with that gelatine. Make a soup with the pearl barley you had forgotten about. Put on your shopping list the fresh vegetables that you will need to go with it. A great idea is to use 1940s rationing cookbook recipes. In Britain, during the years of rationing, they were extremely healthy, and despite what you might hear, most meals were delicious and there was no waste. I know because I cook that way mostly at home.
Clothing is a great place to treasure hunt too. One drawer or cupboard at a time - find those hidden treasures. Pull out those long-lost shoes and give them a lovely shine-up. Then they can go in a box with their identity written in large letters on the front. Each cardboard shoebox will stack nicely on top of the other with the label facing you. How nice it will be to see them and easily choose which to wear. You don't need to go and buy a shoe 'system' or clear plastic boxes.
Of course, you can treasure-hunt anywhere now you see how much fun it is. The main thing is that the longer you spend in an area, the more you will become comfortable and familiar in it. Try not to rush therefore. Soon enough you will find yourself actually enjoying the things you have bought and forgotten about - and if not, you can give them to the charity shop. Organisation is a kind of by-product of the treasure-hunting. It will begin to fall into place (no pun intended), and new ideas will come to you over time too. When you see how much you have already, and begin using it, the desire to buy more will diminish. You will be looking after and enjoying what you have.
Let me know what treasure hunting you have done today and how much you have saved!
Do you need a schedule to observe a flower's bloom?
To rest your eyes on soft blue skies, or hum a happy tune?
Is a grand plan necessary to read that cheering book?
Or at a golden setting sun , to stop and have a look?
Or wear that lovely floral skirt that makes you feel so pretty?
- You only need a schedule for the boring and the gritty!
The world of work must use them, along with motivation
to knuckle down (and pray that it's soon time for your vacation),
The world of work demands we work at such relentless pace
No time to think of life and love, no respite and no grace.
But housewife dear, the thing is clear
Our natural way is not
to rush and push and stress ourselves
until we're super hot!
Slow down and smell the coffee! The home-made cakes and pies
And see a pretty, tidy home, appear before your eyes.
Read stories to the children and listen to their worry
Mummy makes it better when she isn't in a hurry,
Greet dear hubby at the door, the man you love and married,
You cannot do these things at work, or if you're rushed and harried.
You do not need a schedule to love your housewife day,
There is no rush - it does get done, and you'll have time to play,
Many joys await you and contented moments too,
But don't expect the world to understand the things you do.
Turn off the computer, and the mobile and TV,
Take time, enjoy and potter round - and have a cup of tea!
If you would like to use my poetry please ask me first.
You may save and print out all posts on this blog for your own personal homemaking use only. Thank you.
PS For those who are taking the Feminine Transformation Challenge here on The Housewifely Haven, you have not been forgotten. I would love to hear your progress : ) The challenge is ongoing, so just jump in whenever you like.
A kitchen you like to spend time in.
You don't have to face this kind of kitchen.
The Housewifely Haven is all about enjoying the wonderful, peaceful world of contented homemaking. Here you will find tips that cost nothing and that will make a big difference in your day. The only requirement to this kind of contentment is that you do not rush things, and that you spend time pottering in your home.
The way to banish the morning kitchen blues is to gradually build tiny routines and habits into your life at home. They are so small as to be easily managed, but will reap big rewards.
Begin by making small preparations the afternoon or evening before (not too late). These preparations can be:
I don't know what you have for breakfast, but let us imagine that you begin with cooked porridge (oats). While you are cooking the tea/dinner the evening before, put a saucepan on the hob, and place the amount of oats you will need inside the pan. Put the lid on top to keep it clean and dry. Place your morning cutlery and bowls ready. Think about what food will be eaten. Is there food in the fridge that needs using up? Eggs, bacon or those few last mushrooms? While you sip your after dinner coffee, have a think about what you will do. Anything you can prepare earlier will make your morning easier. As you get more practiced, you will find new ideas pop into your mind that you can try.
In the evening after tea, put the things for your morning drink on a tray, ready to take upstairs .
A husband going off to work, will have a calm morning and unhurried breakfast which will set him up for the day. What a difference that will make for the one you love : )
As you cook the breakfast, use a brush and rinse out any pans as soon as you have used them. Make a routine of rinsing off dirty dishes as soon as they are used. Put them in hot soapy water or in the dishwasher in a rinsed condition. Also, give a swipe over the hob and counters with a soapy cloth, and then wipe the sink with a dry cloth. Rinse the soapy cloths before pegging onto a small washing line to blow dry. Wipe over your toaster and kettle with your dry cloth.
Give your husband a kiss as he leaves, and a quick brush over his jacket with a handy clothes brush, kept by the door.
Whether you have children at home or not, make a routine of coffee or tea for yourself with a snack, at least by mid-morning; maybe using this as a time to think about your plan for the day.
Remember - do not rush. Pottering pace is the more efficient and contenting in the long run. Enjoy the peace and health of the contented housewife. Instead of feeling the blues, you'll be tickled pink with your morning kitchen.
If you think that you are too plain, too big, too small, too manly, too clumsy, or that your 'bad' past, will prevent you from becoming irresistably feminine - think again!
This is another thing you won't find on the internet. But here on The Housewifely Haven, you will discover just how easy it is to experience your own feminine transformation - whatever your looks, build, or past.
If you are a wife and housewife, or you want to be one; then you can learn to become one of those treasured wives that I mentioned on a previous post, 'A Case of the What ifs'. A man might well admire a clever, independent, high-earning woman; but such women never inspire deeper feelings in the man of integrity. As a feminine woman your life will change; you will suddenly have doors opened for you, be treated with consideration and be smiled at. I cannot begin to describe the wonderful differences that becoming feminine will bring into your life, and into the lives of others. So...
As always, don't take my word for it...
JOIN OUR CHALLENGE!
I thought it would be interesting to study the picture below for a few clues.
This woman appears to have a good figure, probably a pretty face too, and her hair is long (and long hair is very feminine). But she isn't what you would describe as 'feminine'. Why not?
Well, the most unfeminine and unattractive thing about her is that she is coming over as self-obsessed. She is unaware of anything or anyone around her. Her mouth is set in a grim expression and her stride has a manly look.
Her outift is quite provocative isn't it? A woman will usually think that 'sexy' equates with 'feminine', but to a man it comes over as hard or threatening; a general turn-off (except to the man who has other designs on a woman). The clothing and bag aren't doing much for her either; it looks like they have been thrown on without thought. Her priority is her social media, her agendas, and her wish to look 'desirable'. The boots are very masculine too.
A non-feminine woman has very little inner confidence. She is so busy trying to prove herself as 'better than a man.' What is the point of that?
Here is your challenge.
Becoming feminine is done in easy painless stages. These few steps will begin your transformation. Please let us know if you are doing the challenge, and how you get on.
STEP 1
Appearance
The watchword is 'softness'. How can we appear softer and gentler? We can begin by growing our hair and wearing it loose in a barrette or slide so that the soft hair can be seen. It doesn't matter what age we are: 50... 60; it is a myth that short hair looks better on an older woman! So don't cut your hair when it gets to the awkward stage. Use a slide or pretty hair grip to keep it out of your eyes, and enjoy the lovely, soft feel of your hair. (Plait long hair for night-time or when you need to, it is gentle on the hair).
If you have never put on a skirt before, buy a longer length denim skirt (It will be a bit like jeans, so not too scary). If wearing tights or stockings, an underslip will prevent static cling. After a short time you will feel more feminine, and happier than in those uncomfortable, unflattering jeans.
Face
Smile! A smile tranforms the plainest face and makes it feminine and attractive. Heavy makeup gives faces a hard look, so avoid covering up the soft, naturalness of your face. A little foundation to even the appearance of your skin is probably all you need. Remember the watchword - softness.
STEP 2
Home and domesticity
Put away your phone and get off FaceBook. This is going to be much more fun and relaxing, and contenting!
Make a pot of tea or coffee and sit down in your sitting-room or kitchen. Look around you and see if there is something you can rearrange to make your home more attractive and relaxing to be in. Have a bit of a potter/putter around and take your time. Open the fridge and cupboard - is there anything nice you can cook for tea? The amazing thing about pottering at a relaxed pace is that you will begin to enjoy your home, and discover the contentment of domesticity.
Find a gentle and feminine hobby that you can pick up when the housework is done and dinner planned. Knitting, crochet, drawing, baking, reading gentle books (if you can find a single 'non-feminist book' that is) can be very pleasant and enriching. If you don't know how to knit or sew, learn at a slow pace, and enjoy the process, or ask someone to teach you.
If your home is really a disaster area and in chaos, join flylady.net and get her emails. It is free, and you will soon begin to make a peaceful and ordered oasis that your husband and family can come home to.
STEP 3
Serving and Kindness
Our social conditioning makes us see these words and think 'doormat' and 'what about MY rights?' But that is as far from the truth as you can get. The opposite is true. If you do not serve and be kind to others you will be missing out on real pleasure, contentment and fulfillment. Try it and see for yourself. Make yourself vulnerable by serving and being kind to others. You will develop a gentleness that is irresistable. This does not mean that you make yourself inferior. You are the queen of the home. Femininity will help you to understand that place of honour.
When you wake up, get dressed in your skirt, brush your long hair and smile. Enjoy thinking about what's for dinner, and getting that washing out on the line - so there are clean, fresh clothes for the family... Cultivate a soft voice and manner. You don't have to be on the attack with the ones you love. Put their needs first, and consider what your husband says without jumping down his throat; effectively silencing him. We have been taught to have agendas and get what we want at all costs. The feminine way allows others to have their feelings considered, and yet, the feminine woman usually finds good things and unexpected things flowing into her life without grabbing for them.
Are you doing the Housewifely Haven Feminine Transformation Challenge?
I really appreciate reading your lovely comments, but am unable to reply to many as my priority is being a wife and housewife : )
As always, I will not publish those which would spoil our happy Housewifely Haven atmosphere
It's great news!
A housewife on a very modest income can have a richer life.
What the housewife can save without batting an eyelid:
Transport and petrol/gas costs. Your trips can be leisurely and well-planned and you may not need to run another vehicle.
Meal costs You will be staggered at what you will save on meals! Expensive takeaways (because you have no time and are exhausted from work) will be replaced by inexpensive, healthy foods, that take 5 minutes to plan in the week. Food won't be wasted, and you won't run out and have to dash to the shops to buy more.
Clothing costs Business clothes can be replaced by pretty day dresses and skirts. You can learn to make them at home and have fun. An inexpensive pattern can be reused often, every scrap of the fabrics can be used to make unique gifts, items for the home, and accessories. The housewife has time to treat her and her family's clothing carefully and they will last much longer.
Electricity costs No more expensive drier. The washing line can be used when it is not wet. Meals can be planned for the oven and items batch-cooked. Just having the time to think will give you easy routines that save on costs around the home.
Maintenance Taking your time, and incorporating little habits and routines will mean less accidents and breakages. Appliances and furniture will be cared for and maintained; they will last for years longer.
Shopping When a housewife learns to potter around her home, changing, arranging and making pretty little touches here and there; things that lift her heart and calm her restlessness; she will find a deep sense of contentment begins to appear. That compulsion to keep buying new 'stuff' is mostly caused by a continual sense of dis-satisfaction with what one has. The truth is, that what we already have, when we have time to care for and enjoy it, will give us more peace and contentment than buying more stuff will.
'Me' time Me-time costs pretty much nothing for the happy housewife. Her schedule is her own, to plan and organise according to her preferences. Inviting a friend for tea and home-made scones; reading her book in the garden after lunch, or listening to some peaceful music, for instance. Or she can pick up her knitting, or take a walk in the sunshine (or snow!). She can teach herself all sorts of skills to enrich her homemaking. These will be happy times - and much more relaxing and rewarding for herself and her family, than scrolling FaceBook or social media.
Child-care Instead of paying through the nose to have your children cared for by strangers, the housewife can care for them at home. She can guide them and give them the security of a mother's presence. As they grow, she will learn how to create order, and routines so that life will be richer for her and them. She will be the one to see and encourage their first steps, or put a blanket over a table to make a little play house. She will be the one to fill the doll's tea-pot with water for the teddy-bear's picnic... while her friend enjoys real tea and a chat. A trusted friend can arrange that each have an afternoon off by looking after the other mother's child once a week if wished.
HELPFUL TIP
Long-time housewife, Dee, suggests keeping track of how much you save your family by not working. Her personal experiences of what she has saved over the years is well worth reading. You will find the full details in the comments section on the post 'Strange Perceptions'.
Years ago, you would often hear or read of people saying things like 'When I was a child, I thought we were rich, until I grew up and realised that we had had very little money'
Soon, I think we will begin to hear and read the opposite from our grown children. They will say 'I always assumed that we were poor when I was young, until I grew up and realised we had had quite a lot of money'
And right now, adults seem to have very strange perceptions of what is rich and what is poor...
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| Time to dig the snow |
Is it poor to be able to be at home and spend quality time with your own children?
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| Little rich kid? |
|
Will he look back with fondness on his expensive games and videos and cupboards full of toys - and parents absent, or simply too busy?
Is this a poor family sitting around the table together?
Would it be richer to dash into a busy fast food outlet, and feast on their 'wholesome' fare?
Is having the time to think about dinner and do the shopping an impoverishing experience?
Poverty? - having to hang the washing on the line on this lovely day, with baby out here in the fresh air.
Perhaps 40+ hours a week of this is rich and contenting?
Will she feel that she was poor because mummy was there when she was ill?
Or perhaps she would feel richer in the day care?
No expenses spared holiday?
Or a peaceful romantic walk that costs hugely less?
A wife at home, enjoying her home, spending time with the one she loves, can have a richer life.
Welcome to The Housewifely Haven
I am a full-time wife and housewife. To me, it is the most fulfilling, satisfying and happy thing in the world. I know that many women feel the same way - but you won't read that on the internet - I believe there is a nasty agenda out there. But 'in here', you are safe and free to relax, to learn how to be a housewife, and all the benefits that await you if you do.
If you are a 'seasoned' housewife (sounds like you are to be a casserole?) maybe you don't need to read this post. But for anyone whose heart is saying 'How I wish I could stay home and be a housewife' or something along those lines, below is a quick list of 'What if's' that might be worrying you. I hope they may help.
Before I post the list, I want you to remember - this blog is to be a gentle, peaceful haven for housewives, or those wanting to explore the world of the housewife. Comments are moderated, and I will simply not publish anything that will spoil our fun.
What if's (short list - short answers -)
What if I don't have much money?
You don't need much money. You don't need land. You don't need to own your own home. You don't need anything more than a very modest income to manage as a happy housewife. Resourcefulness is truly fun. I will show you how.
What if I don't have children?
Then you will have more time to:
Build a deep and abidingly romantic
relationship with your husband - a regular lunch date; gathering up
quick supplies for a picnic when he has an unexpected afternoon off;
always being able to take a holiday when he has his leave from work;
creating a warm welcoming atmosphere at home where he loves to be after
the madness of his day.
You will have the time to learn new
skills that will be satisfying and fun. If you have a garden of some
kind, you can learn to grow bright flowers, or maybe you would like to
start with growing tomatoes or salad leaves for the table. Perhaps you
want to learn how to sew your own clothes or knit, draw or papercraft.
If you don't know other housewives,
invite an elderly person for tea once a week. How they would love to
visit in a real, relaxed home atmosphere. These things are what our
society is sorely lacking today.
What if people think I am stupid by not having a job or career?
Your job and career as a wife, housewife (and mother, if you have children) is more important and fulfilling by far. You will be more relaxed , organised and looking after those you love the most of all. Personally, I think it is a very clever choice to have these priorities.
What if I am not a natural housewife, and I can't clean and organise?
Most women would say the same to begin with. How much time was invested in showing you how to do these things? As long as your heart desires it, that is all you need. Cleaning and organising only feel overwhelming because we have not been taught how to do it at a natural, gentle pace. I will show you how easy it is to run a home when you are not squeezing it into impossibly tight schedules
What if I am bored?
You won't be. After a period of adjustment (be kind to yourself over this) you will discover how rich life at home will be. It will amaze you.
What if I am treated like a doormat and have to be a slave to the family?
If you understand that you are the 'queen of the home', and your role of guiding it, you won't be treated like a doormat. You are not a martyr either. I remember seeing a video of Queen Elizabeth when she was a young woman. She was on a picnic with her family in Scotland I believe. There she was, the Queen of England, happily serving out the tea and sandwiches. Serving is a thing that builds confidence and richness in life - if you value yourself and those you love.
What if I feel unfeminine, or I am not glamorous?
If you don't feel feminine, you soon will do. Being a housewife, away from the harsh working world, gradually allows you to soften. Free from the pressures of making money or career, your features and your voice begin to soften - your husband and family see this and they will love it. Don't take my word for it - see for yourself.
It is not about being glamorous! Men don't see beauty the same as us - truly! To a husband, a women who has a gentle manner, a softness and a sweet smile, is a beautiful woman. Try it for yourself.
What if I don't have a husband?
A man of integrity, who wants to serve his wife by leading, providing for and protecting her, is not attracted to a 'manly' type of female, or a self-obssessed, bossy, overtly 'sexy' woman. He wants to love and cherish a sweet, gentle and feminine woman whom he can safely trust in. If you wish to be one of these treasured ladies, you can easily learn to become one. You will be prepared and confident when the right man comes along - and you will have a lot of good men from which to choose. As always, don't take my word for it, try it and see for yourself.
I hope you will enjoy these posts, and find them helpful. I hope to inspire you on your housewifely adventures, organising, meals, cleaning, creativity and resourcefulness and on becoming more feminine. Anyone can do this! The schedule is not gruelling. My first priority is my own husband, home and family, so I won't post a huge amount.
I welcome polite, respectful and genuine comments from housewives or those who want to be housewives.
